Forget December
by somethingcoolmusic
Summary: Rory comes to Jess on the bridge, where he looks very worried.
1. Intriguing Shoes

"Forget December"  
  
By: Sirius  
  
Rory hesitantly stepped onto the bridge and slowly walked over to Jess's hunched form. His feet dangled off the edge and his face was sorrowful. His cold shoulder only added to the chilly wind that cut through her many layers of clothes. Snow crunched under her feet and when he heard her approaching, he stood up and began to walk away.  
  
"Wait. Jess, hold on a second." Rory hurried after him, careful not to slip on the ice, and he stopped, but his back continued to face her.  
  
Figuring that he wouldn't turn around even if she asked him to, she moved so she was standing in front of him. He looked downward and his forehead was creased with worry and pain.  
  
"Jess . . ." Rory said softly. His shoulders tensed at her voice, but he didn't look up. "Jess, look at me, please."  
  
"I am looking at you. Your shoe is very intriguing."  
  
"Will you look at my face please?"  
  
His neck slowly extended and he stared her straight in the eye. Her damp eyes were pleading with him.  
  
"Why'd you do it?" He asked softly, his breath coming out in a visible white cloud.  
  
A single tear slid down her chapped cheek and flowed down to her neck.  
  
"I'm not sure."  
  
"You should have told me."  
  
"I know," she affirmed.  
  
"Did you think I wouldn't care?" He was getting angry and she could tell. Well, maybe not angry, but definitely frustrated. His voice was elevated and he sounded fierce.  
  
She exhaled quickly and her face constricted with grief. The tears were coming quickly now and she couldn't do anything to stop them.  
  
"I knew you would care. That's why I couldn't tell you!"  
  
"But I'm your friend! I'm supposed to care!"  
  
"Well maybe I don't think of you as just a friend anymore!"  
  
His face lost all emotion except for pure shock. Her eyes bore into his and she nervously tugged the collar of her coat up around her neck. His voice cracked and he stared at her. "Oh."  
  
(A/N: Hey. I wrote this in about 10 minutes when I got home from school today. I have no idea what to do with it, but the line about "your shoe is intriguing" came to me in Study Hall so I figured I'd see what happens. If I get any ideas, I'll update, but this might just be a one-parter. Thanks for reading!) 


	2. Changing it All

Title: Forget December (Chapter 2)  
  
Author: Sirius  
  
"Would you say something?" She demanded softly.  
  
His eyes skittered over everything but her. His mouth sputtered to find words but none came. What just happened? She didn't just . . . Maybe he'd misheard . . . Did she just . . .  
  
"Jess!" she said impatiently. "Say something!"  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Anything, you must have something to say."  
  
"Well, look at it from my perspective. I just found out that my best friend in the entire world is moving across the country and then she comes and tells me that she cares about me more than she's let on. What do you want me to say? I'm kind of at a loss for words. I mean, you just sprung this on me and changed everything without even thinking!"  
  
"What's changed? I didn't change anything; you're the one changing it all. It's always been this way. I've always felt this way."  
  
"What?" He looked at her for the first time since she'd said it. Maybe this was the first time he'd ever really looked at her. How could he have missed it?  
  
"I've always thought of you as more than a friend. I've always cared about you."  
  
"Oh," he paused, his mind still reeling. "Well wait a second, what have I changed? You're the one who confessed caring about me and then you go off and move across the country!"  
  
"Well, what was I supposed to do Jess? Huh? Tell me what I should do. Whatever it is that I feel about you could go away anytime. Is it really worth it to give up college for a relationship that I'm not even sure would work out? When I don't even know how you feel?"  
  
"You never asked me!" He yelled indignantly.  
  
"Okay, well I'm asking you now."  
  
"It doesn't matter now! Now you've gone off and figured everything out already!"  
  
"I still need to know. Have you ever thought of me as more than your best friend?" Here it was, she was putting it all out there. Yes or No.  
  
"Everyday." He answered quietly.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yeah." He looked away.  
  
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" she asked timidly, unbelievingly.  
  
"Why didn't you?"  
  
"I was scared. It would have changed everything."  
  
"You already did that."  
  
"Yeah I know. But now I don't think it's the best idea."  
  
"You can't back out on it now. You've already accepted it."  
  
"I can always tell them I've changed my mind."  
  
"Oh yeah, and what then? What if we don't work out and you've just wasted the greatest opportunity ever? Enough shitty stuff has happened to me lately, you resenting me doesn't need to be on the list too."  
  
"So you'd rather I just leave. Forget all of this ever happened?"  
  
"It's better than you hating me."  
  
"Fine. It's settled then."  
  
"Fine."  
  
They both stood there, shooting glaring stares at each other then glancing the other way. When the awkwardness had peaked, he shook his head and turned to leave.  
  
"Listen, I gotta go." He had to get away from her as quickly as possible. It's funny how life is. Just when you're ready to get close to somebody, life makes you hurl yourself in the opposite direction.  
  
"Jess, wait!" She called hopelessly after him.  
  
He paused on the end of the bridge and turned his head around to look at her. She shifted uncomfortably and threw her hands up in defeat.  
  
"I'm sorry." She whispered with finality. He stared at her for a moment with a blank face, blinked, and turned away with a nod.  
  
"See you later, Ror."  
  
(A/N: Hot Dog! How bout that, twice as long as the last chapter. That's not saying much . . . but there you have it. Happy Holidays! ~Amanda) 


	3. Don't Want to Hold Her Back

Title: Forget December (Chapter 3)

Author: Sirius

"Jess, wait!" She called hopelessly after him. 

He paused on the end of the bridge and turned his head around to look at her. She shifted uncomfortably and threw her hands up in defeat.

"I'm sorry." She whispered with finality. He stared at her for a moment with a blank face, blinked, and turned away with a nod.  

"See you later, Ror."

He spent the rest of the evening walking around the town in a freezing cold daze. He was going to lose his best friend; there was no way around it. She was moving across the country to go to college, and he would never see her again. He knew it, she knew it. There was nothing he could do about it. He missed her already. And now, with only a few months left to be best friends, she had to go and make everything even more messed up. They both had thought of each other as more than just best friends but they'd ignored it in order to keep their friendship in tact. Now they'd have to spend their last months together in awkward silence, both trying to forget what had happened. 

Suddenly, Jess was overcome with anger. How could she have sprung this on him? None of this was his fault. Sure, he'd withheld the fact that he cared about her more than he'd let on, and sure, he'd said some things that he hadn't really meant during their fight, but really, she was to blame. She was the one moving across the country. She was the one who'd told him that she cared about him. She was the one who changed everything! Furious, Jess walked back the diner in a huff.

After slamming the diner door hard enough for the bell to ring obnoxiously loud and stomping up the stairs to the apartment, Jess flung himself onto his bed. Downstairs, the diner went silent and everyone stared at Luke so see how he would handle the situation. 

"Just . . . get back to your meals everyone." He said, before ascending the stairs after his nephew. 

"What the hell was that?" He interrogated when Jess ignored his presence in the room.

"What?" Jess snapped back at him.

"What was your little scene down there? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Jess replied angrily. 

"No, no more of this. You're gonna tell me right now. What the hell is wrong with you? You've been stomping around here since this morning. What happened?"

Jess was silent. 

"Well . . .?" Luke prodded.

"Rory's leaving." Jess answered in a distant whisper.

Luke took a moment in responding. Hadn't she been leaving the whole time? Wasn't it the plan that she would graduate high school and move away to college? Hadn't Jess been prepared for that?

"I don't get it, hasn't she been planning on leaving for a while . . .?"

"Well yeah," Jess paused, standing up and going over to the kitchen table. "That was the plan. She was gonna leave and go somewhere like Yale or Harvard."

"Okay, so . . ."

"So!" Jess yelled, unable to control his anger. "So! The plan wasn't for her to go all the way to California!"

"California? Wait . . ."

"She got accepted to UCLA, and now she's decided that she wants to go all the way across the country. I can't follow her all the way over there. That's not the plan. The plan was for her to go somewhere close by. Then I could at least see her once a week or something. I won't see her anymore."

"UCLA, wow. Jess, you have to understand if she got into UCLA, you need to be happy for her. This can't be easy for her either, going all the way across the country."

"She doesn't care! If she cared, she wouldn't be going!" Jess exploded. 

Trying to calm him down, Luke went over to stand by him in the kitchen. "Jess, no matter how hard this is for you, it's must be just as hard for her, if not more. Leaving everyone behind. Everyone she cares about. Being that brave has to be scary."

"Ha, everyone she cares about." He spat. "You know what else she did? You wanna know what else she said to me? As if it wasn't bad enough that she was leaving, she had to go and tell me that she cares about me. Yeah, she cares about me. More than a friend, she said. And I just stood there like an idiot. I had nothing to say back to her. The only time in my life when it truly mattered, and I couldn't think of a single thing to say back." He was pacing back and forth through the kitchen as he ranted. Just watching him beat himself up was too much for Luke to take.

"Why did it only matter today?" Luke asked tentatively.

"Because today was my chance!" Jess said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Your chance?"  
  


"I could have had her today. She laid it out right in front of me. I even told her that I thought of her as more than a friend. But then I just walked away. And now she's only got a few months left here and they're gonna be all weird and awkward now."

"Jess. Calm down for just a second. What do you want from Rory."

Jess pulled the kitchen chair out and slumped down into it, resting his elbows on the table in front of him. With his face in his hands, he mumbled, "I don't want her to go."

"Did you try telling her that?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"'Cause I don't want to hold her back."

After letting that last comment sink in, Luke replied, "Jess, she needs you right now. You can't hole yourself up in this room and stay mad at her forever. Go be her friend."

With that said, Luke tuned and headed back downstairs. Jess continued to sit at the kitchen table, his hands still covering his face. After rubbing his eyes a few times to shake his attitude, he stood up and grabbed his coat from the hanger by the door. As he walked through the diner, he nodded to Luke, who acknowledged the teen back.


	4. Of Course it Matters

Forget December (Part 4)  
  
Author: Sirius  


  
  
"Jess. Calm down for just a second. What do you want from Rory?"  
  
Jess pulled the kitchen chair out and slumped down into it, resting his elbows on the table in front of him. With his face in his hands, he mumbled, "I don't want her to go."  
  
"Did you try telling her that?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"'Cause I don't want to hold her back."  
  
After letting that last comment sink in, Luke replied, "Jess, she needs you right now. You can't hole yourself up in this room and stay mad at her forever. Go be her friend."  
  
With that said, Luke tuned and headed back downstairs. Jess continued to sit at the kitchen table, his hands still covering his face. After rubbing his eyes a few times to shake his attitude, he stood up and grabbed his coat from the hanger by the door. As he walked through the diner, he nodded to Luke, who acknowledged the teen back.  
  
Jess walked briskly across the street by the diner as he shrugged into his jacket. His pace was quick, but he was still trying to figure out what to say to Rory when he arrived at her house.  
  
He was surprised when he reached the Gilmore driveway. He had been so deep in thought that he didn't even remember navigating his way there. By now, after so many years of friendship, it was almost like second nature.  
  
Jess raised his head up to look at the house. It looked the same as it always had. Every movie night, every Chinese take-out, every New Year's, every weekend had been spent at this house. Jess couldn't remember a time when he and Rory hadn't been friends. She'd been the first person to approach him when he moved here at the age of 10. They'd grown to be inseparable. Was today going to be the start of the end of their friendship?  
  
Slowly, Jess made his was across the stone pathway to the porch steps. He ascended them mechanically and rang the doorbell. After a moment's pause, he rang again. He could hear shuffling in the background and a faint, "I'm coming!"  
  
Rory opened the door quickly and seemed surprised to see Jess standing before her.  
  
"Hi." She said.  
  
Jess took a deep breath and held it for a second before replying, "Hey."  
  
She politely asked him if he'd like to come in and he followed her back into her bedroom. He stiffly sat down at the chair by her desk and she took a seat on her bed. Jess looked around her room. It too, was exactly the way it'd always been. Rory absently picked at a loose string in her bedspread, while waiting patiently for Jess to say something.  
  
"So," Jess began. "Today was bad."  
  
"No kidding."  
  
"I don't really know what happened."  
  
"You freaked out." She replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"Hey, that's not fair, you freaked out too."  
  
"What? I didn't freak out! I just told you the truth."  
  
"So did I!"  
  
"No, you lied to me, and then freaked out about how I was leaving you."  
  
"You lied to me too! And I did not freak out about you leaving. I freaked out about you not telling me you were leaving. And I freaked out about you lying to me. Then I got home and freaked out about you leaving."  
  
"I didn't lie about leaving; I just didn't want to hurt you!"  
  
"Well looks like that fell through, doesn't it?"  
  
"What do you want from me?" She countered, desperate.  
  
He paused. He couldn't say it. It wasn't the right way to ask her to stay.  
  
"Nothing. I just wanted you to be honest with me," he said, finally.  
  
"I am being honest with you. Plus, why does it matter so much to you? I was leaving anyway." She spat out hastily.  
  
He stood in stunned silence. Their anger had raised them both to their feet and they had been steadily drawing themselves up to be taller and taller, trying to force the other down with their words. Her last comment, however, made him sag his shoulders and focus his gaze toward the ground.  
  
"Jess . . ." She whispered, cautiously.  
  
He glanced up at her, sadly. "I gotta go."  
  
He turned and walked out of her room, past a shocked Lorelai who had obviously heard the whole thing, and out the front door. As he descended the steps off the porch, he heard Lorelai say, "What happened?"  
  
"I don't know," replied Rory sadly.  
  
Jess couldn't breathe. How could she think that? Of course it mattered more that she was going across the country rather than just to Yale. Of course it mattered! How could she think that after all this time, it didn't mean anything to him? She had made it sound so trivial, so insignificant.  
  
As it had been for practically the entire day, Jess struggled to hang on to a single thought. He just couldn't see it her way. The only thing that occurred to him was that maybe he'd misinterpreted her when she'd said that she didn't think of him as "just a friend anymore." It didn't seem possible for him to go from worried, to ecstatic, to furious, to numb in the matter of hours.  
  
He didn't know where to go. He couldn't go back to Luke's. He didn't feel like trying to explain something he didn't even understand right now. Usually, whenever he didn't want to go home, Jess would go to Rory's. Now, he had nowhere to go.  
  
Jess eventually ended up at the library. He would have gone to the bridge, but Rory would have looked for him there, and he wouldn't have known what to say to her. He sank into one of the overstuffed chairs and stared forward, unseeingly. Occasionally someone would pass before his eyes, but all he saw were blurs. He wasn't crying. He hadn't cried since the day he came to Stars Hollow. He's too cool to cry.  
  
He tilted his head back and stared at the blank ceiling. He crossed his arms over his chest, and folded his legs Indian Style below him. He slammed his eyes shut and tensed his entire body. Without realizing it, he held his breath.  
  
Of course it mattered.  
  
Of course it mattered!  
  
His lungs started to throb and he let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding. His body relaxed and he lessened the strain on his eyes, but kept them shut. A single tear fell from his right eye and down the side of his face.  
  
He couldn't see it her way.  
  
Of course it mattered.  
  
He wasn't crying. 


End file.
